I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
