I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
