my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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