Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
