remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
