Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
