By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
