Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
