; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
