I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
