You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
