So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
