i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
