My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
