If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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