the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
