Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am in a vortex of obligation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
