i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Still dying that you shit outside
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
