is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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