He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
