we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
