I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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