sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
