i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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