For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
