My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
