PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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