Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
