I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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