I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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