I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
