If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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