SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
