I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
