dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
