Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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