Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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