Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
