smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
