Only a mothe r could love this liver
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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