i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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