I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
