u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
