she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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