I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
