in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
