...so i touched it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
