atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
