Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
