Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
