I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He passed out mid-signature
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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