am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
