Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
