its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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